All men are like grass...the grass withers and the flowers fall...

I have just officially completed week 9 of my internship (I had to re-count the weeks because it's unreal how quickly this week went!)

Many of you know by now (and I'm sure many of you don't) that there was a typhoon this past Tuesday night through Wednesday morning.

Before the typhoon came I was going to post about my weekend...but then the typhoon came and I was left speechless for a while.  I can't even remember what I was going to say about my weekend--probably something about suddenly becoming culturally exhausted but how it's all part of the process (I had been processing a lot of cultural communication things--it was really fun, fascinating and frustrating at the same time...these will have to wait till another time).  How am I feeling now?  Well the typhoon seems to have knocked out all my frustrations and actually, I feel as if my entire brain was turned upside down.  ...especially since I've spent the last two months researching all-things-typhoon.

But before I speak of the typhoon...here's a brief summary of some of the things I've been able to do these past two weeks
-Visited CCT (Center for Community Transformation) in Manila [a really big cdv NGO in the Philippines with all different ministries; hosted two Covenant interns in the past; was one of my potential internship hosts]
-Shopped at Divisoria in Manila - huge shopping...place...  it seemed to me like two or three streets of shops/malls...but market like (both indoor and outdoor market).  Bargain prices!  I bargained in Chinese.  It was fun :)  Bought lots of gifts.  Keep your eyes on your bags and money.
-I have been attending SVCF large group meetings (StateVarsity - otherwise known as InterVarsity Christian Fellowship) at UP (University of the Philippines) Thursday nights.  I've really been enjoying the fellowship of my brothers and sisters there :)
-Visited various coffee shops - did a lot of coding, analysis and writing this week.  I feel as if my head might fall off...but I am SO blessed to have the translator that I have.  She is beyond wonderful.  I feel as if I have a partner in my research.  I think I need to write an entry devoted to her.  Perhaps next week.


Typhoon
The typhoon this past week was a bit emotionally traumatic for me.  I am doing much better now, but my heart is still heavy and my head is full of unanswered questions.  It's strange for me to experience a little of what I've been researching--but at the same time, not experience it at all (we'll get to this point later).

I'm going to apologize in advance if I say anything that sounds offensive--that's not my intention.  Please also note that these are just some of my personal, raw thoughts.  I've chewed on them for a couple of days and my jaw is starting to hurt.  There are a lot of things I don't know and there may be facts I have gotten wrong.

This was the first time I've faced a natural disaster and actually worried about people.  That sounds a bit insensitive...but hear me out.  Usually when I've face natural disasters (like hurricanes or tornadoes) no one I know is in great danger:  we all have sturdy homes, friends with sturdy homes, food, water, candles, flashlights, cars, and emergency shelters.  I know that there are people who are not as fortunate as I, but because I did not know any personally, I didn't worry.  I prayed, but I didn't really sweat over those prayers.  I meant those prayers, but those prayers did not come from someone shaking or being challenged in her own faith as she prayed. 

I couldn't sleep the night of the storm--not because I was afraid, but because I knew there were others who could not sleep.  Others I knew.  They were the people I spent the past two months interviewing (about their previous typhoon experiences, their fears, their anticipation of the upcoming typhoon season).  They were my brothers and sisters from church.  I knew they would be up all night cleaning their homes from the flood, elevating things, or wondering if their houses were going to last until morning.  I knew their foundations were shaking--literally.  I tossed and turned and prayed and prayed.  My mind continually turned to scripture that stated that our God is the Solid Rock, the Strong Tower, the Light in the darkness.  Storms in life never seemed more real. 

I woke up in the morning--restless--but the sky was no longer black and the wind no longer roaring.  It was kind of a surreal experience after 7+ hours of stormy weather.  There were many fallen trees, destroyed crops, and muddy streets in our neighborhood.  Some church members' homes had flooded and were covered in mud.  There were some reports of deaths from neighboring barangays.  A member of a sister church drowned.  There were power outages throughout the entire island of Luzon.  A group of people were struck by lightning during the storm and also died.  There were a number of shipwrecks on the coasts (many deaths).  Much of Manila is still without power. 

This was a category 1 storm.  Category 1.  I just can't get over the differences in my experience of a category 1 storm in the Philippines and category 1 storms in Florida (I don't even know which storms were category 1...I only paid attention when hurricanes were category 3 or higher...that's when they actually "matter").  Therefore, I have decided that although scientific categories are important, damages anticipated have less to do with the scientific category and more to do with the physical state of the people where the calamity is taking place.

I cannot believe that the people here face about 20 typhoons a year!  Meaning, some people are forced to hit the restart button on their lives 20 times a year.  At the same time, there are many people who are virtually unaffected by the storm (like our neighborhood--we only had a 24 hour brownout [power outage] and fallen trees--and most people near and on UP campus).  I went to a college fellowship group the next night and no one spoke of the storm.  I asked my host about it later; she suggested that because they are students, they are unlikely to have heard any news updates of the storm.  I was also surprised to find out that many Filipinos didn't have their first experience of a flood until living many years in the Philippines.  The devastating effects of the storms are generally pinpointed on the poor who cannot afford structurally sound hosing or be choosy on the location of their homes.

So, yes, now I have an experience of a typhoon in the Philippines...but at the same time, I don't have any experience.  My experience has been nothing like those whose homes flooded, like those whose homes collapsed, or like those who lost loved ones.  I am struggling to understand and piece these seemingly contradictory things together.  How can things be so similar and yet, so different?  How can people be so close to calamity and know nothing of it?  How can I have experienced a typhoon and yet, understand so little about the lives of those I have been interviewing--or, perhaps, this thought just occurred to me--I really am understanding more.  I'm understanding how little I understand.

I have been very encouraged these past couple of days with the e-mails I've received from my friends back home.  I am blessed to have friends who bear my burdens and share the heaviness of my heart.  Every time someone shared, "My heart is heavy for you and for the Filipino people," I felt my own burden lighten.  Thank you :)

One friend pointed me to one of her favorite passages - Isaiah 40.  It has been very helpful to me and I've resonated with it very much.  Things are seemingly hopeless and yet, they are not because our Lord is the Lord of all Creation!

I started this entry with "All men are like grass..." and I want to end it by saying:

Lift your eyes and look to the heavens:  Who created all these?  He who brings out the starry host one by one, and calls them each by name.  Because of his great power and mighty strength, not one of them is missing. ...  Do you not know?  Have you not heard?  The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.  He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom.  He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.  Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.