I'd Like to Make Myself Believe...

1. I have heard a lot of Lady Gaga since being in the Philippines...and Jason Mraz.  But I think the most played song is Fireflies by Owl City.  Oh and Korean songs, especially the Wonder Girls.  Sometimes I forget where I am.
2. Today I found two ants floating in my cup of water.  I paused...looked at them...looked at them again...and then continued drinking my water.  This amused me greatly.  I suppose it's encouraging to know that I can adjust to bugs...  Next step:  sleep outside without a tent (So much scarier than ants in my water!  At least I know where the critters are!--in my water!)
3. Roosters crow (crow?  do they crow?) ALL times of day, NOT just in the morning!  Childhood stories lie!
4. Sounds I hear as I drift in and out of sleep every night:  roosters, dogs (EVERYBODY owns a dog!), motorcycles, car horns, people talking.  It's mostly quiet between the hours of 12-3AM...and then life starts again at 4AM.  The bakers drive around and honk their horns selling fresh Pandesal (yum!).
5. I had a meeting with the church elders and deacons yesterday.  It was extremely intimidating.  My host even asked me "were you scared?" after we left the meeting.  I said, "YES!" and she responded "ME TOO!"  And her husband is the pastor!  haha.  He even said later "they were behaving strangely yesterday."  Anyway, I'm thinking it was just an off day for them.  My host said that they may have been nervous because they've never had anyone study their church before.  Okay, I can understand that.
6. My research design has changed at least 5 times in one way or another each DAY.  I will now be looking at 6 barangays instead of 3 (ahh!)
7. I've been in Los Banos for 4 days and I've already been to two birthday parties.  They're super-parties!  Everybody is invited!  And there's a never ending supply of food!  Today I went to a pool party (which means:  wear a t-shirt and shorts to swim).  The pool was hot (because it's filled with water from the hot springs - heated by the volcanoes).  They also rented a karaoke machine (Filipinos like to sing.  It's been a great way for me to participate in their activities :D).
8. I keep forgetting to mention this--the language barrier!  Although English is one of the official languages, people generally speak in a mix of Tagalog and English (80% Tagalog and 20% English).  Many people are not confident enough in their English to speak to me...so many times I am left sitting there smiling at them when really I have no idea what's going on.  I just sit there, smile, talk to Jesus, and pick out the little Tagalog I know.  It's overwhelming and very lonely to be surrounded by well meaning people who won't talk to you because they're just as uncomfortable as you are.  It's okay...I'll be here until August!  I know it's an inconvenience for them too--to have to translate for me.  What a pain!
9. You can get anything and everything at 7-eleven.  Yup!

Prayer Requests

1. Continued adjustment to this heat...mixed with the smell of petroleum.
2. Pray for rain!
3. Pray for discernment and sensitivity in my interactions with the locals here (especially with the young people).  And growth in friendships with my brothers and sisters at LBCRC.
4. Courage to speak in Tagalog
5. For the ability to be flexible with my daily schedule and research plans
6. Creativity and wisdom in carrying out my research to fit the requests of my host
7. Pray for LBCRC and their outreach ministries--that God would continue to bless their hearts and efforts!  They have an amazing outreach program that mobilizes young and old in their church AND the efforts of the people in their communities to improve their own communities.
8. Pray that my heart and mind would be open to learning...for a teachable spirit.
9. Building relationships > my agenda and my grade in this internship class
10. Humility!  It's not about me.
11. Praise for the evidence of deepening relationships--though slow and often discouraging.
12. Praise that God prepared me with such a wonderful internship host/mentor.  She has been more help to me than I could have imagined and has been there not only to support me practically in my research but even emotionally as I wrestle with cultural differences.
13. Praise that I am finally getting more excited about my research :) ...even though it's the most frustrating thing in the world!!

With Love!

"The Baths"

I'm in Los Banos now :)  Literally translated, that would be, "the baths."  [wow I think I'm already speaking English like a Filipino; my sentence structure is...different?  It's okay, Jessica, don't fight it; embrace it].  I arrived Monday night probably around 8pm (so that's 8am Monday morning for all you guys).

I am actually living with my internship host and her family.  They were unable to find a suitable foster family for me (because they wanted me to be able to have my own room and to live close to the church--very kind of them!), so they decided to take me in.  My host has hosted many many interns in the past (almost one every summer) but she's never had one live in her home.  She has three kids (two sons and one daughter around my age).  From my guesses, the oldest son is 23, daughter is 20, and youngest son is 18.

Life has been fun...and exhausting!  My brain is so tired of processing new information.  So yes, honestly, I HAVE been talking to myself a lot.  It's been a struggle--trying to be laid back and flexible, but still responsible with my work.  How do you do both??  How do I spend a day just resting in the home, looking over my research notes, recovering from jet lag, and getting to know my hosts KNOWING that I'm going to be writing extensive notes on it later that evening?  (And knowing that I have my first response log due to Dr. Mask in less than a week, demanding that I dig up some information).  It's been weird juggling wanting to just go out there and explore, respecting my host and her time, not wanting to offend the church leaders in anyway (I will meet with them tomorrow.  Yay!!), knowing that I need to let my body adjust to the time and weather, and believing that my time spent just watching tv with my translator is rapport building.  How can doing nothing be doing so much?

Most of my self-talk revolves around "It's good that you are aware of your assignments and what needs to be done before next week, but you are here to LEARN and to BUILD RELATIONSHIPS above all else and that takes time!  It's day 2, take it easy.  You have 3 months.  Yes, that may not be very long, but it is very long!  Be intentional BUT enjoy your time!  Try hard to remember things, but if you forget, just ask!  You do not need to be self-sufficient, you are NOT self-sufficient, so stop trying to be!  Okay go drink some water before you pass out."

So...some fun highlights!

• Within the first hour of being in Los Banos I already walked into somebody's bedroom thinking it was the bathroom.  Oops.  Talk about embarrassing (yes, the person was in there; yes, he was male).
• Ants are becoming my good friends.  They just kind of...live on me.  ... ...
• I've been waking up with my hair all funny because I shower at night and fall asleep wayyy before my hair dries...but the strange part is that my bangs all sweep to the right.  Well, I solved the mystery tonight!  It's because my fan blows from my left to my right.  Hehe.  So today I made sure I sat on the other side of the bed for a while.  (okay, this was a really lame highlight).
• I was able to visit one of the barangays (name = Malinta) today with my translator.  I rode a tricycle and a jeepney (public transportation!).  I was also able to see the lake that led to all the flooding when the typhoon hit.  Despite all the work the community members have done, there are still a lot of damages and people are still recovering...and typhoon season is just around the corner.
• There is soo much musical talent among the young people at church!  Almost everybody plays an instrument (or two, or more) and sings!
• American popular music is very popular here in the Philippines (as is Korean, but I don't really know Korean music). 
• I led worship with the worship team at the prayer meeting tonight.  Hillsong is also very popular here.  I think Chris Tomlin will be in Manila next week for a concert....
• I am living near an active volcano! (active - not in that it will erupt ...well maybe?  but it's hot...which is why there are hot springs here)
• I checked the weather yesterday and the weather report literally said "Hot and Humid, Muggy, Extremely Hot" for the next 10 days.  Nice.  As if "Hot" didn't do the trick.
• I bought an umbrella today.  For the sun.
• I haven't brushed my hair since I was at home.  :)
• Food is great!  Food is also a GREAT way for bonding.  Man...I wish I was a better eater because then I would bond so much quicker with everybody here.  I suck at eating.  I don't even eat rice well and I'm Chinese!  Fail.  AND I know this to be a fact!  Plus, the times when I'm feeling well and am able to stuff food down for the sake of friendship, I--surprise surprise--make new friends!  but most of the time I just don't want to eat.  [Maggie, if you're reading this, I promise you, I think of you all the time and have been trying to imitate your example from when you went to China last summer.  You're so brave!  (and lucky that your secret talent is eating)]

God has been teaching me that he really is in control.  Despite all my worries and my consistent self-talk to keep myself sane (or drive myself insane?)...I have been in prayer and waiting and waiting and waiting...and God is beginning to open the doors.  I've been reading True Spirituality by Francis Schaeffer...it's good.  I've also been learning to relax and enjoy and not worry so much...but it's a difficult process for me--very difficult.  Relaxing + being responsible just never seemed to fit together in my mind...perhaps this will change.

Thank you for your prayers.  I really appreciate them and it encourages me more than you can imagine to know that people are praying for me even when I am too tired (or hot) to pray.  Hey!  You're even praying for me while I'm sleeping!  Because you're awake!

...I should go to bed now.  Love and peace!

Hi There, Little Duckling

I ate Balut yesterday.  “Balut is a fertilized duck egg with a nearly-developed embryo inside that is boiled and eaten in the shell” – Wikipedia.  Let’s just say I’m glad I never saw a picture of this Filipino delicacy before agreeing to eat it (go ahead, look up a picture!).  It was better than I thought it would be…except I don’t think I could eat it again…it’s just hard to think about.  I can’t believe it’s really in my stomach…  The book I read on culture shock and the Philippines said that if I was offered Balut in the Philippines I should know that I don’t have to try it, but if I did, it would give me an immediate “in” with the Filipinos—true story!  The youth from SBCC (Sampaloc Bible Christian Community Church), who cheered me on as I ate, proclaimed me a true Filipino once I finished.  They joked that they should set up a competition between all their Covenant College interns to see how soon they would eat Balut upon their arrival in the Philippines (I ate it day 1, so the bar is pretty high :D—but I ate it out of the fear that if I refused it the first day what would make me think that I’d agree to eat it later?).  Oh the adventures!

Hello, Philippines!

I arrived in the Philippines on Saturday, May 15^th around 6:40PM local time (6:40AM US EST).  All of my flights and transfers were very smooth!  I even arrived in NY 30 minutes early—a huge answer to prayer!  That was the flight I was afraid I might miss, which of course would have pushed back all my other flights.  So thank you for your prayers! 

I’m currently still in Manila, staying with Dr. Mask’s in-laws (who are absolutely wonderful!).  I am meeting my internship host later this afternoon and heading off to Los Banos.

Ten Observations:

1. It was so strange flying an Asian airline not in mainland China.  There were all these people who looked like me, but I had no idea what they were saying!  I definitely found myself looking for people with US passports to put myself at ease and to feel less alone…then I realized that they paid absolutely no attention to me because, well, I look just like everybody else.
2. Speaking of looking like everybody else…I haven’t quite decided whether this “looking Filipino” is going to work to my advantage or disadvantage.  I blend in well, which will help me be less obtrusive while doing observations and keep me safer (no kidnapping for me!—hopefully!).  But people have expectations of me, mostly expectations that I can speak Tagalog—expectations which I so gracefully destroy upon opening my mouth…or not opening it.
3. Filipino food = (Chinese food + Hispanic food) X Flair
4. Driving in the Philippines = Driving in China – (some people + most honking) + riskier drivers
5. Manila looks a lot like a mix of Nanjing, China and Miami, Florida…with many catholic churches
6. Busyness during the day leaves you exhausted at night = a good way to get over jetlag quickly …except you’re still exhausted. 
7. My face has never hurt so much from smiling!
8. It’s strange to experience something new on my own…it’s kind of like the culture shock of going to Covenant.  Wow…strange that the closet comparison of how I’m feeling right now is my move to college:  unknown world, lots of nice people, but no one is my friend (except I knew how to use a phone and money at Covenant)…strange mix of familiarity and yet, not belonging. 
9. Mangos = so absolutely delicious!! 
10. There are all these little ants crawling on me and…I’m just squishing them as I see/feel them.  Who am I and where did Jessica go?!

Prayer Requests:

• Physical health:  Apparently this summer in the Philippines is exceptionally hot…yay.  Even the wind, if and when there is any, is hot.  I get really frustrated with myself in the heat because I feel as if I should be able to handle it…it’s really not that big of a deal…everyone else is okay…I should be okay too.  Basically I wish that my bodily needs wouldn’t inconvenience others.  I think I just hate admitting how weak I really am when it comes to how the weather affects me.  Pray that I will be able to be weak and ask for help (or water) when I need it.  The combination of heat and exhaustion leaves me nauseous and dizzy…and makes my vision blurry?
• Emotional health:  Despite all the similarities I can find between my old experiences and my new experiences here, I am culturally exhausted.  It’s hard for me right now as I learn to process all that is going on around me.
• That in my exhaustion I would not lose sight of God’s mercy and grace. 
• Confidence in practicing and using the little Tagalog I know.
• HUMILITY!  and WISDOM! 
• That He would give me rest and rejuvenation (physically, spiritually, emotionally)
• That I would learn to rest and enjoy

Goodbye, America

Less than 5 hours!!  :)  Wow.  Okay, I don't think I actually realize how long 12 weeks really is.  That's close to the length of a semester...a lot can happen in a semester...hence, a lot can happen in 12 weeks.  I don't even know if I grasped "12 weeks" while packing...oh well!  Perhaps I will finally learn the difference between "need" and "want"...

I spent some quality time with my family today.  It was good to talk and laugh together (and eat, of course!).  I picked my brother up from school after his AP exam, ran some errands with him (or rather, he with me), went shopping with him and mommy, met up with daddy for dinner, went to the park and walked around/played Frisbee, and then packed and repacked and repacked and repacked my suitcase.

It's getting late so sorry if this post is a bit scattered.  I will be going to bed and getting up again all within the next 3 hours.  Please pray for me :)

1. Anxieties about traveling alone to a foreign country
   
   • Safety
   • Smooth flight transfers (Orlando-JFK, JFK-Hong Kong, Hong Kong-Manila)
   • That I won’t lose luggage—or anything for that matter
   • That I won’t get lost…in the airport or in the country
   • That my cell phone will work
   • That I’ll know how to use money…and other things that I usually take for granted
   • That I would stay calm and just relax...but alert!
2. Physical Health
   
   • That I will adjust quickly to the heat & humidity (my body doesn’t usually adjust well to heat or humidity)
   • Adjusting to the 12 hour time change
   • Adjusting to a new diet and concept of time
   • Extra energy/patience/joyful spirit as I meet new people and encounter a new culture
3. Loneliness and homesickness
   
   • That God would use this time to teach me
   • That He would provide me with a good friend/confidant
   • That He would be with my parents and brother in Florida (especially as they make preparations for Jerry’s transition to college this Fall)
   • For an attitude of openness and flexibility
   • That I would not turn inward and focus on myself
4. Research Preparation
   
   • Good, long, rapport-building, friendship-establishing, conversations with LBCRC church leaders and members
   • Fruitful interactions
   • Wisdom
   • Clear understanding/communication of what LBCRC would like to see from my research, how we can best work together, and how I can best serve them with my time and ability
   • That I would have love and not get lost in all the details (because I tend to make too much of the details)

Faithfulness

Recently I've been thinking more and more about the internship placement process I've walked through this past year...planning to go to NYC, then ending up in the Philippines; planning to do domestic child/family development, ending up doing international economic development; having all these options to do research in areas I'm familiar with, on topics I've looked into on my own, but then actually committing to do research in a field I have no experience in whatsoever (other than the research I did for my research paper).  But, you know, our God really is awesome!  I love that he laid all these options before me, blinded my eyes to these obscurities while I was walking, and then opened my eyes to the amazing way he had been guiding me all along - I never would have willingly made any of these choices on my own.  I know that whatever fruit I reap from this trip will solely be His doing because, really, I am not able, but He is able.

Clap your hands, all you nations; shout to God with cries of joy.  How awesome is the LORD Most High, the great King over all the earth!  Sing praises to God, sing praises; sing praises to our King, sing praises.  For God is the King of all the earth; sing to him a psalm of praise.
-Psalm 47:1-2, 6-7

Home, Sweet Home

I'm writing this post as I sit on the floor of my living room in Florida.  Florida smells really nice right now (strange thought, I know...but I walked out of the bank today after running some errands and those were the exact words I said to myself).  It's good to be home.

Spring semester 2010 - over.  End of the year cleaning and packing - over.  Long drive back home - also over. 

Now that the whirlwind of school/finals/papers/cleaning/RA paperwork has stopped, I finally have some time to consciously process the fact that I'm flying out of the country in 2 days!  Wow...in 56 hours.  ...Over 21 hours of flight time, not to mention airport time.  I'm excited :)  It'll be a good chance for me to think about the upcoming 3 months.

I spent most of yesterday evening making lists of things to do.  I spent most of today completing and crossing things off that list and then realizing all the things I forgot to write down yesterday. 

Some quick updates and praises:
-My Visa to the Philippines arrived in the mail last week.  phew!
-All of my fund-raising is complete!  Thank you for your generous gifts!  and keep praying :)

Some prayer requests:
-That the Lord would calm my anxieties about last minute travel preparations/paperwork and traveling alone
-For rest and safety during travel
-That I would have an unquenchable thirst for God and take time to just be still before Him, especially as my life is currently just "go go go"

Until next time ... :)